Monday, November 26, 2012

How to Fail at Literature Early On

  I don’t want to be a hypocrite so, while I trash other people’ work; I’d like to trash my own.

  I started writing my first fiction that was meant for people (other than my grandma and my friend's mother) to read, at the frail age of 13. I thought I was a genius. Of course, looking back just a couple of years later, I realized I was very much mistaken and couldn’t get why some people continued liking this crap. Anyway, here’s my confession about my personal fail in fiction:

  It all started, when a friend of mine from middle school got me obsessed with this band. I looked them up, on the Internet in my native language and, as luck would have it, I found the most popular site devoted to the band in my country.

  The site had a fan fiction section and after reading a few of the things other people wrote, I decided to write one (or a few) of my own.

  My first fiction was called (translated) Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining. It was about these twins - Britney (me) and Kimberly (my bff), who were in a band. The story starts with their band having a concert, they have to fly to. Kim and Bree can't sit together on the flight and they have some kind of flying-stranger-meeting-disorder-phobia - I don’t really know. But of course, they got to sit next to their celebrity-crushes: accordingly the two main guys from said band. So... just to clarify – the not sitting together is the upper-mentioned ‘cloud’!

  After a few sappy examples of how much the two couples have in common, and two days (two parts) of non-plot, the story ended in kind of an open ending. Or at least it was supposed to end. By this point, a lot of people (well, not so much people as obsessed-adolescent-fangirls) had grown appreciation for the fiction, and asked me to continue it, so I did.

  It was so bad! Mary-Sue main character, sappy conversations, a lot of wangst, and IKEA erotica… oh, and I forgot to mention – costume porn! God, so much costume porn! Ok, even though at one point I had some actual drama it was more Deus Angst Machina, and really - what do you expect from retarded-barely-teen-real-person-fiction-writing-obsessed-fangirl?

  If, you don't believe me; here’s an excerpt with the best translation, I can provide.The story is told from Britney’s point of view. Also, this dialogue occurs after a few hours of talking during the long flight. (All names have been removed)

“What’s wrong” I asked.

Nothingjust… I was thinking about all those bimbos who would go out with mejust because I'm famous and rich. My brother may use this in his favor, but I am not like him…”

I didn’t know what to say. He went on. “You are amazing, Britney. I knew you were a great singer, but I never believed you are such a great person. Do you know how many guys would give anything just to be with you? And not because you are Angel from Black Ice Dream (the name of the fictional band Britney’s in), but just because you are incredible!”

‘They maybe thousands, but I only want one’ I thought to myself, but I once more, I didn’t say anything.

He continued again:  “And you can have whoever you want! It’ll be hard to find a guy, who wants to be with you, just because you are famous – just because you are hot, sure, but not just because you are famous! With girls is exactly the other way around. Do you know how much of my fangirls wouldn’t even look at me, if I wasn’t [that famous guy] from [that famous band], but just a nobody?"

“Hey, I am sure that…”

“Don’t! It’s true and you know it… You are different, Bree and that’s why I commend you for it.”

I saw his eyes getting damp. All I wanted to do was hug him tight and ask ‘What’s wrong, sweetie?’, but I was just scowling, without saying a word.

“I want to find a girlfriend like you so much… But I know it’s never going to happen.”  

  See? It’s b-a-a-a-a-a-a-d! I can probably address a few other problems, just from the given passage, but I don't plan on writing a book.

The point is - even the best of us can fail. Wow, JK. No, the point is - young fangirls don't make the best writers, but then again, this is the rock bottom. There is nowhere to go from this, but up. =) 

Also: Wrong. You can always fall into the ground itself. :D

P.S. Of course my biggest fail-fiction called Secret Love was deleted, because I just couldn’t bare the level of sappiness in it.  It had to be removed from the world and preserved no trace of. :D:D

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Why I hate Twilight & 50 Shades in 30 words or less

 TwilightIt's stupid, clumsily written, logic-failing, anti-feminist fairytale, with psychopathic protagonists that glorifies an abusive relationship between two Sue-s. 21 words

 50 Shades of Grey
 It's clumsily written Twilight fanfiction with two awful Sue protagonists, that glorifies an abusive relationship and completely fails to comprehend BDSM. 22 words

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

The Ignorant Raid the Internet

Ok, so I just Googled Why you shouldn't read 50 shades of Grey and I read almost all links on the first page.

There are two types of defenses against the trilogy: Christian and Fake Feminist/Literature.

The former is basically anti-porn propaganda, and I am not going to comment on it. As a sexually-positive feminist, I don't think porn is a bad thing, but I don't like it when people try to push their opinions down my throat, so I am not going to try an push mine down theirs.

The latter's major arguments are:
1. (Literature) The book is poorly written. - True, not a point I am arguing with.
2. (Fake feminism) Empowered, feminist women should not dream about being submissive to man, it's mysogenic.

Ok, I am obviously not going to discuss the Christians, so let's move on to the Feminists.

Apparently, neither E.L. James nor the general public understands the difference between being submissive and being in an abusive relationship.

While real, non-abusive BDSM-involving relationships follow the "Safe Sane and Consensual" rule,
Abusive relationships are about:
    - Being emotionally manipulated by your partner (something Christian does to Ana constantly).
    - Being sexually manipulated by you partner (Same as above).
    - Being coerced into doing something you don't want to do (Same as above).
    - Being ashamed, guilty, disgusted, scared by or even confused with something your partner coerced you to do/did to you manipulating your consent out of you or even without it. (Same as above)

Also, being a sub is just a fantasy and for most relationships, doesn't spread much farther than the bedroom, and in no way prevents you from being a self-respecting, self-sufficient, career-pursuing, choice-making feminist.

Get your shit together, people!

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Pop Culture Fail!

The world sucks, you guys.

We live in a world where Twilight fan-fiction gets published.

No, wait, let me rephrase that. It doesn't just get published, it actually sells more copies than Harry goddamn Potter. I can't even...

It’s not that I don’t get the appeal of the books, I do. It’s about a fantasy fairy tale, yet not in a fantastic setting. It’s about the nobody-girl, who gets the rich, pretty, experienced and (supposedly) perfect guy. It’s about sex, from a woman’s perspective.

And that’s the good about it. Now let’s count the bad (only main points):

1. It’s plagiarized from Twilight. Not even a well-written book, but fucking Twilight!

2. The protagonists (Ana and Christian) are awful people and Mary Sue characters.

3. Purple prose! Man, if I had a dollar every time there was purple prose in these books, I’d be as damn rich as Christian Grey.

4. All-in-all bad-writing.

5. Unnecessary details. Unnecessary details everywhere!

6. The weirdest and about 99.5% of the time – unfair, judgments.

7. The relationship is abusive, and is truly based on nothing, but sex.

Check out my 50 Shades review in less than 30 words and 50 Shades of Crap for more info.

xXxXx, Thea K