Saturday, March 15, 2014

Couple Dynamics and Why Similiar Personality Types Can Be In a Relationship

I few years ago I started reading a lovely YA series (I still read them) called Percy Jackson and the Olympians. All of Rick Riordan's books have a great combination of adventure, mythology and twists plot; well-developed 3D characters and a style of writing that's charming, but does not distract you from the plot. Anyway, this post isn't about that. This post is about couples (in fiction).

At first, I predicted that Percy (the main character) and his friend Annabeth will become a couple. And no, that's not a spoiler, it's obvious from the very moment she shows up in the story. I thought - well, it's kind of obvious, but I guess it's a fine pairing.

But then 'The Titan's Curse' (the third book of the series) came around the corner and we were (properly) introduced to Thalia. She was a great character and she and Percy had this... incredible chemistry so I thought - 'Now, THIS is a pairing I want to read about.' Of course that didn't happen and I think that was the exact moment I realised I hated Percabeth. I am going to talk about that in length another time, but to sum up my reasoning:

- The canon keeps trying to shove the paring down my throat by constantly having other characters marvel at how awesome they are together, what a good team they make and how much they miss each other, when they are apart etc.

- Everything was neatly ordered in a way that they'll end up together and nothing will stop that [SPOILER for the entire series (you need to select the text to read it): Thalia was removed as a possible love-interest for Percy way before that was even an option - way before she had a chance to relax and the two got to know each-other better by becoming a hunter of Artemis and therefore giving up guys/love; Rachael - a girl Percy sort of liked at one point - was also removed from the equation by becoming the Oracle and therefore unable to have a boyfriend; Annabeth liked Luke, but he was evil and then he died - plus the author finished that subplot with 'Luke saw Annabeth as a little-sister') 

- Percy and Annabeth do not in fact make as great of a team as the books are trying to convince me they do; sure half the time being with/close to each other helps, but the other half they make stupid decisions for one another.

Anyway, I had this friend, who read the books and became a fan. So the two of us had the following conversation (well, maybe not exactly the same one):

Me: I loved Perlia (Percy and Thalia) and I want to see them as a couple. I'm so angry with the resolution of The Titan's Curse.

My friend: But they can't be! They are both alpha personalities, so it's impossible for them to be in a stable relationship.

Me (I still stand by it): Screw that! Sure they can! And it would be much more interesting than not-so-opposite personality types, too!

Now, before I move on, let me say that I have not in fact seen for myself two alpha personalities together in real life, but this is not a blog about romance and dating advice - it's a blog about fiction and exploration of concepts.

With that in mind, let's move on. I strongly believe that two alpha personalities can in fact be together. It will be a little harder than an Alpha/beta dynamic and the two parties will need to make more compromises that they won't be very happy with (but that's the point of compromise anyway, isn't it? Someone once said 'A compromise is a solution neither party is satisfied with.') And the two people would need to really fight for the relationship. Yes, there will be more fighting than what some people may consider 'normal', but I believe that every couple is different and everyone should have their own way to solve their problems and make their relationship work.

Some great alpha couples (in fiction) that seem to work:

1. Gabrielle and Carlos from 'Desperate Housewives'

(Yes, I saw all eight seasons of that show. I don't flaunt it, now let's move on.) There was something very romantic about the way that no matter how much they fought and what challenges they faced (and they didn't face very few challenges),  they would always find a way back to each other. Their love was strong and passionate and they made it work!

2. Jordan Sullivan and Dr. Perry Cox  from 'Scrubs'

These two fought constantly, pretended they hate each other, insulted each other, but at the end of the day their dynamic just worked. At one point, Carla decided that they were not a good couple, but then she saw she was really judgemental and arbitrary and that Dr. Cox and Jordan actually pulled each other through the hard times. Yes, their relationship may have seemed unstable to an outsider, but in reality were just perfect for each other.

Secondly, people are complicated and there are many different ways to describe a relationship dynamics. Some that I have heard (again, not always a 100% true or applicable, but usually one partner would more this or that than the other)
1. The settler and the reacher (One person settles for the other; the other reaches over their league.)
2. The sweetheart and the hardass
3. The practical one and the dreamer
4. The safe one and the adventurist
5. The rebel and the one who follows the rules
6. Extrovert and Introvert etc.

Now, this was just as an example, it doesn't mean that all relationships should fall into any of those categories, whether in fiction or in Real Life. But why do you even need to put labels on everything - alphas, betas, sometimes things just are what they are and that's enough.

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